Last
weekend, after Abe's crew practice and Ruby's soccer game, we packed the whole
family (visiting grandparents included!) into the car and drove an hour north
to Sonoma Valley to Oscar's friend Eli’s birthday party. Oscar had been
talking about the party – a baseball game and swimming – for weeks. He couldn’t miss it.
Oscar
and Eli had bonded at school over their sports fanaticism. Oscar, an Oakland A’s and Warriors fan,
had finally found someone else who devoured the sports section every morning, someone
else willing to talk trades and records and stats for hours. Oscar was even able to accept that Eli
is a Giants’ fan, something that might have been a deal-breaker a few years
ago. (“Yeah, but he likes the A’s too, Mom,” Oscar would add.)
We
pulled up the gravel driveway and spotted the “baseball field" off to the
left. Oscar leaped (yes, Oscar leaped) from the car and ran across the grass.
"Eli! I'm here! I made it, Eli!!" The big game was already
in progress, but I could hear several enthusiastic calls of "Hi
Oscar!!" There may have been some high fives.
Abe
and Ruby joined in and next thing I knew Paul was pitching and Grandpa was
taking pictures. It didn't matter how many pitches someone needed - everyone
got a hit. Paul expertly bobbled a
few catches, and then Oscar's friend Eli smashed one past the outfielders and
several runs came in. GrandMary and I sat with other parents on the deck
stairs by the pool, chatting and looking out at the vineyards and surrounding
hills. And I pretended that it was always this way. That Oscar was always
so engaged, so included, without any scaffolding or prodding. That I didn’t need to be standing on
the sidelines making sure he was following along and that no one was getting
frustrated with him.
Oscar
has made great strides socially this year, and has some genuine
friendships centered mostly around a shared interest in sports and music. I know why -- his teachers work on
social skills every day, in the classroom, in social skills groups, and in one
on one sessions. He, like most people with PWS, has needed to be taught every
little aspect of interacting with others. The consistent school-wide push has
been crucial. And, importantly,
Oscar’s peers at school, a school for kids with learning differences, are
well-matched for him. As the head
of the school says, these peers “mirror and match” Oscar’s skill set. There is
a nice balance of kids who are working on the same things that he is, and
others whose strengths are his weaknesses. The mix means that Oscar fits in, but also has models.
Years
ago, when we attended our first Prader-Willi conferences, many of the speakers
emphasized the importance of social skills. Those conferences were packed too with strategies for navigating
food and behavior, the benefits of growth hormone intervention, information on
managing GI issues, plus tips for supporting gross and fine motor development. I couldn’t absorb it all. Raising a child with PWS is a
never-ending triage situation.
There were years when social skills were the priority, and others when
scoliosis or GI issues took the front seat. I can’t look back and wish I’d pushed harder earlier. But I am happy to see him so engaged
now, so interested in connecting with friends, and able to carry on a conversation
of more than two exchanges about something other than just his favorite topics.
I wish I could post a photo of Oscar with one of this friends, but I'm hesitant to without permission. So, instead, here is Oscar with his favorite furry friend -- his cousin A's dog Penny. (Penny, you're famous! And thanks to Grandpa for this and probably every other photo I've posted.)
He is growing into such a gorgeous young man!
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