I'm still here!

I've been quiet on my blog lately. There is just too much going on.

Some triumphs: The Los Mapaches concert was Saturday in San Francisco. All three kids performed! Abe sang out and actually moved his body to the beat. He played guitar for the first time on several numbers, drum on another. He looked so happy, so confident up there. Oscar's stage overwhelm is gone. He was "on" the whole time, and his face, while singing, emanated a beautiful mix of passion and sincerity. He led one song on stage with the bombo, helping to keep the beat for the rest of the musicians. And Ruby was a ham. She made sure each one of the 300 people in attendance noticed her as she sang, played zampona, and did the motions. What a night!

And some struggles: Oscar's IEP was also this week which is always a source of major stress for me. (Placement has historically been very very hard-fought.) This year was smooth but no one could tell me beforehand that that would be the case so of course I went through all the pre-meeting anxiety and post-meeting decompression. Abe's been having a very hard time at school. We're so sad, but also proud of him for how he has been keeping his chin up and continuing to try. I wish the last weeks of his elementary years could be sweeter but I also know that it is a gift of sorts to be ready for the next adventure. He is. I just wish he could take his 5th grade teacher with him to middle school. Oscar's stuttering is at an all-time high. He can stumble over one syllable ten times before he gets it out, his face contorted with the effort it requires. I love though that he can calmly admit that he is frustrated and I can reassure him that it will pass, because it always does. I feel blessed (and if you know me you know I rarely use that word) that he has the ability to converse so maturely. Finally, Ruby's tantrumming peaked last week to the point where Abe stood by my side and told me in a soothing voice that he had seen what happened. I was crying but I am not sure why. Because I don't always know how to help my 4 year old when she rages, or because my 10 year old can step out of his pre-teen fog and angst to validate my experience?

I am ok, just drained. PWS walk and 5th grade play this weekend on top of all the baseball games and practices that are the respite in our busy life.